When I first started selling herbal creations, I was met with tons of resistance. Some people didn't understand the difference between essential oils and whole herb infusions, some didn't really see any need to spend money on the products, and some just plain needed to listen to me explain the necessity in every way that I could. It actually used to make me feel mad and frustrated, probably because it made me feel insecure, like I somehow wasn’t enough. I questioned it all and even stopped selling things for a while. Covid gave me an easy out.
But then this past year went by, and I didn’t actually stop making things. I make things for my family and friends as it is, so the production on my end never stopped, the creations just kept piling up. I stopped needing to be "accepted" and just kept doing it because it truly is what I love to do.
Now I see "convincing" as a game. I like the challenge because I know herbs to be true. I like the challenge because it keeps ME on my toes and keeps me learning more and more. When I took time off from selling, I decided to use that extra time to dive deep into Anatomy and Physiology and that’s when it all really started to click.
The funny thing about selling herbal creations is that this isn't anything new. People, families, midwives, doctors...they all know that it's true, these plants WORK!
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was actually terrified. I didn't "have it all together" and I certainly didn't live a life that I wanted to bring a child into. I had to do a lot of internal work to get from the place that I was, partying more days than not, staying up until all hours of the night, eating cheese sandwiches every which way. We didn't intend on having a child together, but God is good like that.
It wasn't what we wanted, but it was absolutely what we needed.
Having a little bean depending on us, looking to us for guidance through this crazy world...that has been the sauce that juiced up the wheels. It has broken all of the walls that we were and still are up against, only because we now hold a vision that IS truly more than just the two of us.
It used to scare me, having someone depend on me that much, but then I realized it truly isn't ever about being perfect. It's about actually trying. Having real conversations with your child, not hiding imperfections, showing them what it looks like when you and your spouse don't agree and are still okay.
I guess all of that to say, Motherhood didn't necessarily propel me into my dream life, but it did shift my perspective to see that success is daily and something that is defined in my daughter wanting to paint with me, being able to snuggle my son to sleep for every single nap without a time limit, sneaking in a quick cat nap, having deep learning sessions with my partner. Success to me IS those little moments that we are able to savor, feeling unrushed and completely present.
I called up the woman I met and asked her meekly if I could apprentice with her. I still knew nothing, but I did know I wanted to be a midwife.
I ended up learning from her for just a few short months before I moved to a different city. At the time, the state I was living in didn't have "legal midwives", so it was extremely difficult to find another midwife to take me on as an apprentice. All of the ones I found were either too far or weren't practicing anymore. So, my dreams got put on the back burner, but it never left my heart.
Over the next few years, I apprenticed with another Midwife for a couple of months before deciding it wasn't a great fit for either of us. I found another Midwife who wasn't practicing, but taught me the art of taking herbs and making them into salves, balms, bath soaks, and all sorts of other goodies.
A long and windy road led me right back to the beginning many years later when I got pregnant with my first child. I immediately knew that I would birth her at home with a midwife. It was beautiful, it was raw, and it showed my heart WHY I want to be a midwife. I felt so cared for when I was feeling so vulnerable. I felt loved and listened to and that is the gift I wish to give back to women.
