When I first found out I was pregnant, I was actually terrified. I didn't "have it all together" and I certainly didn't live a life that I wanted to bring a child into. I had to do a lot of internal work to get from the place that I was, partying more days than not, staying up until all hours of the night, eating cheese sandwiches every which way. We didn't intend on having a child together, but God is good like that.
It wasn't what we wanted, but it was absolutely what we needed.
Having a little bean depending on us, looking to us for guidance through this crazy world...that has been the sauce that juiced up the wheels. It has broken all of the walls that we were and still are up against, only because we now hold a vision that IS truly more than just the two of us.
It used to scare me, having someone depend on me that much, but then I realized it truly isn't ever about being perfect. It's about actually trying. Having real conversations with your child, not hiding imperfections, showing them what it looks like when you and your spouse don't agree and are still okay.
I guess all of that to say, Motherhood didn't necessarily propel me into my dream life, but it did shift my perspective to see that success is daily and something that is defined in my daughter wanting to paint with me, being able to snuggle my son to sleep for every single nap without a time limit, sneaking in a quick cat nap, having deep learning sessions with my partner. Success to me IS those little moments that we are able to savor, feeling unrushed and completely present.